Two of my most recent blogs (yes, I have kept more over the years) have held a central theme throughout: starting from the bottom and working your way up. This could be taken literally in fact, as I do encourage anyone who cares to read what I care to write to begin at the beginning, and then continue reading in the order in which my entries are posted. It may make more sense this way, and the natural timeline allows the reader to see how I may have progressed- both as a writer and as an individual human.
As I get older and wiser, I can look back on my writing and the subject matter and opinions which I once held sacred. Tonight, I wanted to touch on this subject because I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately in between busting my ass (I work… a lot). My first therapy session entailed a lot of recounting and brought me back to mental spaces I’ve kept buried down deep for a long time, and others I’ve replayed like a broken record to the point I feel completely helpless.
Yesterday, my best friend found two small toddlers playing in the middle of the road. Thankfully, he saved their lives. Earlier today, I spoke to a mother who felt helpless, as she described her son who has been feeling hopeless. Thankfully, I was able to reassure her and help is on its way, and she even told me I had such a peaceful tone and my voice alone helped her relax, which in turn brightened my day and gave me more confidence to continue doing my extremely challenging job to the best of my ability. This evening, I spoke to a childhood friend who gave me some terrible news about someone we know who ended their own life. Thankfully, uh… well…
There is no upside or happy ending or saving grace in suicide. There are only broken hearts.
A lot of shit happens throughout a person’s life when you allow yourself to live long enough. Sometimes, things do not make a lick of sense. Sometimes, pieces of the puzzle look like they just don’t want to fit into that frame. Sometimes, Bob Ross paints the trunk of a tree down the fucking middle of the canvas and you think he must be completely insane. But that’s life. And that’s Bob.
I hear the phrase “it is what it is” multiple times a day it seems. Yeah… it IS what it is, I GUESS. But could we perhaps look at life using a different lens? Could we possibly see the world for its possibilities? Are we able to treat ourselves and each other with mutual respect, kindness, gratitude, and love? Can we offer help even when we need help ourselves? Can we offer hope when our own situation appears hopeless? Can we extend any morsel of understanding to those who desperately seek to touch another human soul so they not feel so utterly alone in the world?
Is it really what it is? What else can it be?
It can be better. That is the one thing I’ve known from the beginning. And every day that passes- every entry I’ve ever posted, every soul I’ve ever touched, or that’s ever touched me… I know beyond a shadow of a doubt- it can be better.